A few days later, he reads a notice stating that a wealthy man has lost his wallet and is offering a $50 reward to anyone who returns it:

He soon locates the owner and gives him the wallet and the rich man counts the money and says.

“I see you have already taken your reward.”

The poor old man responds.

“What are you talking about?”

The wealthy man continues.

“This wallet had $750 in it when I lost it.”

The two men begin arguing, and eventually, they go to court to sort out their differences.

Both men present their case, the poor man first, then the wealthy man who concludes by saying.

“Your Honor, I trust you believe me.”

The elderly Judge says. “Of course.” The rich man smiles and the old poor man is devastated.

Then the Judge takes the wallet out of the wealthy man’s hands and gives it to the poor old man who found it.

“What are you doing?” The rich man yells angrily.

The elderly Judge responds.

“You are, of course, an honest man and if you say that your missing wallet had $750 in it, I’m sure it did, but if the man who found this wallet is a liar and a thief, he wouldn’t have returned it at all, which means that this wallet must belong to somebody else. If that man steps forward, he’ll get the money, otherwise, it stays with the man who found it.”

“What about my money?” The rich man asks.

“Well, we’ll just have to wait until somebody finds your wallet with the $750 in it.”

The pastor of a small Florida church found a pink envelope containing $1000?

It happened again the next week?

The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate?

This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.

“Ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate,” he stated.

“Why yes,” she replied,

“Every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church.”

The pastor replied, “That’s wonderful, how much does he send you?”

The old lady said, “$10,000 a week.”

The pastor was amazed.

“Your son is very successful. What does he do for a living?”

“He is a veterinarian,” she answered.

“That is an honourable profession,” the pastor said.

“Where does he practice?”

The old lady said proudly,

“In Nevada….He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno.”

Unfortunately, the evidence was against his client, and he feared the worst.

So, the lawyer asked the senior partner of his law firm if it would be appropriate to send the judge a box of Cuban cigars.

The partner was horrified.

“A judge is an honourable man,” the partner exclaimed.

“If you do that, I guarantee you will lose the case!”

Weeks later the judge ruled in favour of the lawyer’s client.

The partner took him to lunch to congratulate him.

“Aren’t you glad you didn’t send those cigars to the judge?” the partner asked.

But I did send them,” answered the lawyer.

“I just enclosed the plaintiff’s business card.”

By 7:30 there was already a big line of grandpas and grandmas waiting outside.

Suddenly a nice car pulls up, and a young man gets out and proceeds to cut in front of everyone.

He gets immediately smacked in the head with a cane by an old lady.

He brushes it off and keeps going.

This time a lot of canes come down on him until he turns around and runs back to his car.

“Damn it!” He yells

“I’m not opening this today.”

“We are travelling abroad for the week so make arrangements” .

The secretary makes call to her husband

“My b0ss and I will be travelling abroad for some reasons”.

The secretary husband makes call to her secret l0ver

“My wife is travelling for the weekend so come to my house so that we can be together”.

The secret l0ver makes call to the child she’s teaching lesson

“I will not be at home this week so don’t come for lesson” .

The child makes call to his grandpa

“Grandpa, my lesson teacher is not arround so i’ll use the weekend with you”

Then grandpa makes call to his s3cretary

“My grandson is coming to use his weekend with me so we are not travelling again” .

The secretary makes call to her husband

“My boss said his grandson is coming to use weekend with him, so our trip is cancelled.”

The husband makes a call to secret l0ver,

“We cannot spend the week together, my wife has cancelled her trip.”

The secret l0ver makes a call to little boy,

“We will still have classes as usual this week.”

The little boy makes a call to his grandfather,

“Grandpa! I’m sorry we won’t be able to spend the week together. My teacher called and said that I have to attend classes.”

The grandpa makes a call to his secretary,

“Change of plans! My grandson is no more coming. So we are still travelling this week. Make arrangements.”

He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment:

Then a new school year began…..

The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered.

The crashing percussion continued day after day until finally, the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street.

Stopping them, he said.

“You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I’ll give you each a dollar if you’ll promise to come
around every day and do your thing.”

The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face.

“This recession’s really putting a big dent in my income.” He told them.

“From now on, I’ll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans.”

The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus.

A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.

“Look,” he said. “I haven’t received my Social Security check yet, so I’m not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?”

“A lousy quarter?” The drum leader exclaimed.

“If you think we’re going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you’re nuts! No way, mister. We quit!”

And the old man enjoyed peace…

They stand on the first tee, a short par 3, and points to the on the green.

“See that flag” That’s where you want to hit your ball.

So she takes a couple of practice swings, then steps up to the ball and knocks it right onto the green, two feet from the flag.

The husband says,

“Wow! That’s a great shot, congratulations!”

She says,?

“Does that mean I win?” He says,

“No, you still have to putt the ball into the little cup at the bottom of the flag stick.”

She says,

“Oh, great. NOW you tell me.”

Despite her age, she was still a real mama.

However, one day she fell and broke her leg.

An ambulance drove her to the hospital where a doctor put a cast on it.

When he was done, he warned her,

“Now don’t be walking up or down any stairs, okay?”

Anna nodded and thought that this sounded reasonable.

A few weeks later, the doctor took off the cast.

“So, can I climb stairs now?” asked the little old lady.

“Yes,” he replied.

“Thank goodness!” she said.

“I’m sick and tired of climbing up and down that drainpipe!”

It took him 2 hours and he alway’s made it by there by 2PM.

One day he tried to make it in 1 hour. Collapsing on a hill from exhaustion, while sitting there, a Corvette pulls up and asks him if he needs a ride.

The man looks at his watch and sees he would be late if not, but there is already a passenger, so he asks how?

“No problem,” says the man in the corvette, “I’ve got a rope in the back and we’ll tie your bike to the back bumper and you can ride.”.

The man says, “Ok!”

They take off and the driver yells back, “Just yell beep beep if I’m going to fast.”

No problem the man thinks. They come to an Intersection and a Ferrari pulls up, the man’s eye’s widen in fright.

Sure enough, the light changes and they’re off!

Anyway, the guy made it to his brothers on time and the Vette lost.

Meanwhile, at the local police dept: “Hey guys the weirdest thing just happened to me. A Ferrari and a Vette just lost me at over 120 mph on Main Street.”

“What’s so weird about that?” asks the other cops.

The first cop says, “There was this old guy on a bike behind them screaming beep beep and trying to pass!”

The astonished woman replies, “I beg your pardon, Sir I must have misunderstood you what did you say?”

“Listen up, damn it I said I want to open a damn checking account now!”

“I’m very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank.”

The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation.

The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that sort of language.

They both return to the window. And the manager asks the old biker, “Sir, what seems to be the problem here?”

“There is no damn problem,” the man says, “I just won 50 million dollars in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!”

“I see,” says the manager, “And is this bitch giving you a hard time?”