SEE MORE: An Angry Wife To Her Husband On Phone

We’d like to read funny stories from couples who are not ashamed to post them online, and they never fail to cheer us up.

1. “My husband asked me to heat up the croissant because he wanted it very crunchy. I guess I nailed it.”

2. Double standards in all their glory

3. “My wife got the cat food and coffee beans mixed up this morning.”

4. When your significant other has a very specific sense of humor:

5. “I asked my husband to pick up some tampons while he was out and he sent me this photo. I’m scared.”

6. “I turned 40 today. My wife surprised me with one of those online balloon delivery services. I asked her why there were 2 question marks next to ’I love you’ on the card. She replied, ’It was supposed to be hearts.’”

7. When your wife knows how to scare you with a single question:

8.“A friend’s note to her husband this morning”

9.

10.

11.

12.

Tell us the funny stories you have with your husband or wife. Do you have a funny story about married life that you’d like to share with us?

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This is the first solo jump for both of them.

The plane lifts off and the instructor gives them their last instructions:

“When the light above the door turns green, you can jump.”

The first guy (who is a major stutterer) asks: “w-w-w-will the p-p-pparach-ch-ute open o-o-on its o-o-o-own?”

The instructor says: “No sir, you have to pull the chord yourself. Just jump out, count to ten, and then pull the chord.”

The light turns green and the second guy jumps first.

After ten seconds he opens his parachute and lands safely in an open field next to a river.

After a few minutes, he hears a loud splash and he looks over to the river.

The first guy comes up and says: “N-n-ine.”

LOL!!

SEE MORE: Letter From Son

A man goes skydiving for the first time.

After listening to the instructor for days, he is ready to go.

The man goes up in the airplane and waits to get to the proper altitude.

Excited, he jumps out of the airplane.

After a bit, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens. He tries again. Still nothing.

He starts to panic but remembers his backup chute.

He pulls that cord. Nothing happens.

He frantically begins pulling both cords but to no avail.

Suddenly, he looks down and he can’t believe his eyes.

Another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going up!

As the other man gets near, the skydiver yells, “Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?”

The other guy yells back, “No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?”

LOL!!

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“Sounds great,” said the health-conscious boy. He ordered some.

He watched as the cook pulled a basket of fries from the fryer. The potatoes were dripping with oil when the cook put them into the container.

“Wait a minute,” the boy said. “Those don’t look fat-free.”

“Sure they are,” the cook said. “We charge only for the potatoes. The fat is free!”

Indian warrior decided to change his name

Indian warrior decided to change his name and went to the Registry of BDM (birth, death, marriages).

He approaches the counter and talks to the lady at the counter.

Indian: “Hello miss. I would like to change my name if it is possible.”

Lady: “Of course, sir, but why would you do that?”

Indian: “Well you see my name is Sharp Arrow Flying Across the Field at Great Speed Hitting the Bison and the Bison Falls Down Dead. As you see it is too long and I’m tired of pronouncing it,
I would like to change it to something shorter.”

Lady: “Alright, sir, so what is the name that you would like to change to?”

Indian (makes sound with mouth): “Pew.”

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As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed.

At one point, she said, “Mommy, look at this,” and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, “Mommy gonna eat your fingers!” pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.

When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, “What’s wrong honey?”

“Mommy, where’s my booger?”

SEE MORE: Four Guys Are At A High School Reunion And One Of Them Goes To The Restroom

A blonde man called an airline customer service desk

A blonde man called an airline customer service desk asking if it was possible to fly with his dog on board.

“Sure,” the airline agent said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.”

She continued to explain that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over.

The customer was perplexed, “I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!”

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